Twentynine Palms

So, out of sheer boredom, and to warn future wives (as if the entire Marine Corps hasn't already warned you about the armpit of Cali), I am making a list blog about Twentynine Palms. List blogs are totally cliche, and only for people who have absolutely NOTHING to talk about, but that's me, so deal.

• I am warning you now, get over your fear of bugs. You will be surrounded by roaches of all kinds, scorpions, spiders galore, and every single other insect reject of God's. I didn't get over mine, and had my husband kill all of them. Then he deployed. Now I am stuck vacuuming up all of their little carcasses. P.S. I am throwing away my vacuum and buying a new one. Better than having to see all of them again.
• Invest in a fuel efficient car. Every single road in the desert is a bajillion miles long, and believe me, it takes 40 minutes to get to Wal Mart from base. Never thought I would see the day.
• Unless you love sand underneath your toenails and in between your toes, wear close toed shoes. Enough said.
• If you're not tan when you move out here, you will be very soon.
• Try not to wear tshirts outside for very long. Unless you think farmer's tans are sexy.
• Your left arm WILL BE darker than your right arm from driving. Get used to it.
• If you live off base and have to be at work at 8 A.M., leave your house early. Trust me on this one.
• If you absolutely have to have a decent house for cheap, live on base. Desert houses are ICKY. And way overpriced.
• If you rent, rent from a company. Renting from an individual person pretty much guarantees that you will be screwed in your deposit, repairs, pest control, etc. I learned this the hard way.
• Just FYI, base housing is BALLING. I'm in love with my house.
• Get used to having to go "down the hill" to get anything specialty. Or new for that matter. Palm Springs is where it's at. Unless you trust these funny looking desert people.
• 29palmsyardsales.com is the greatest website in this area. It will become your best friend of you're a newlywed with no money :)
• There are only like five or six radio stations. Yes, you read that right.
• Take LOTS of pictures of the sunsets. You will miss them when you leave.
• If you can while you're here, go up to the mountains. Big Bear, Lake Arrowhead, Crestline, whatever. It is worth every second.
• Go to Joshua Tree National Park, and get a yearly pass. They're only 30 bucks, and you can see all of the exhibitions they have there. The living desert is amazing.
• If you are going to Vegas for any reason at all, take Amboy Road. It is by far the most serene, relaxing, and beautiful drives I have made here. Oh, and make sure to stop by and have lunch at the Kelso-Cima Railroad Station Museum.
• Try not to take the above road at night. There are no streetlights whatsoever the entire drive to the Nevada line, and creepy just doesn't do it justice. Also, there are no police stations or fire stations all the way to Vegas, so if you get into an accident and are hurt, no one is going to know. If you have to go to Vegas at night, take the 15.
• Grow some really big gonads before you drive in downtown L.A. Jus' sayin'.
• If you have to work, I would advise you go to base if you don't have a bachelors. There are NO jobs out in town. The only jobs seem to be within MCCS.
• The roads out here are in really bad shape. They are extremely bumpy, riddled with potholes, and California doesn't seem to believe in medians. If you are like me, you will drive in the right lane because you swear every car is going to some careening across that tiny yellow line. The lesson: just expect to need new tires and/or an alignment.

I am no expert, but from the almost year that I have been here, these are my rules so far. I'm sure I will come up with many more by the time we leave. That's the nature of my OCD and boredom. Ha.