I heart fall...

Not that I've ever seen a real one of course. Growing up in Florida and moving to the deserts of California, I've never actually seen the changing colors or anything, but the lack of trees out here doesn't stop it from getting cold! And cold weather means baking anything with pumpkin, apples, or pecans in it! (it also means Christmas is getting here, which my whole year revolves around!) Now, being retarded, I didn't take any pictures of my accomplishments, but I can assure you, they were divine! Fall also is bringing home my husband! Yes, after seven LONG months, the love of my life will be home in a matter of days!!!!!!!! Now, back to my point... I made pumpkin cake (which was gone in three hours once I took it to work), chocolate cinnamon cake (in Mason jars!), Halloween themed cookies, and my next endeavor is..........Red Velvet Cheesecake!!! Kinda nervous I'm not gonna lie, but I'm super excited to make it! And it's for Darren's homecoming, so that makes it an even more special "first." I hope fall is as good to you as it has been so far for me!

Hey ya'll, it's (again) been a while. I have been working like CRAZY. Between that, and family coming in and out of this house, I haven't had any spare time. I got a job at Starbucks! Not a glamourous job by any means, but hey, it's a job and it provides extra income for Darren and I to spend, save, do with it what we will. And I actually quite like it. Granted I have to be up at the ass crack of dawn, but I get off at 2, and I have a steady 40 hours. It doesn't really get much better. One of these days, ten million years down the road, I will have a job courtesy of my bachelors, that pays enough for us to pop out kids, own a home, and NOT LIVE IN CALIFORNIA. Ahhhh, the little things in life.

On an unrelated note, we're down to around a month left of deployment!!!!!!!!!!!! No dates yet (poo) but still, its almost here!!!

I haven't written in forever and ever, and a lot has happened 'round these parts. I changed my major for the 809750346th time, and this time, for the first time, it feels right. I am now a Finance major with a minor in Economics. I love math, and numbers, and I am genuinely good with working with money, so the logical thing to do would be to roll them all into a major that I can actually accomplish. I have also changed my transfer university, because California is the most retarded state in the entire U.S. when it comes to getting into college. I am going to University of North Carolina Wilmington next fall!!! That means I will be out of this pit in August of 12!! Oh dear God, I can't even believe I will be moving in a year. And Darren will be following me 2 months after that!
When Darren gets back, he is applying to police academies in Wilmington and Raleigh, and whoever accepts him is where we are moving. I am sooooooo proud of him! He is going to be an amazing police officer. I can't wait!
On a not-so-happy note, Darren was busted down to a PFC about 2 weeks ago, on a charge that he was already brought up on. Which is double jeapardy, even to the military. So needless to say, we are going to be engaged in a probably endless legal battle when he comes home, because he needs to appeal the decision, and hopefully get the assholes who did it to him kicked out of the Corps. More than likely won't happen, but hey, a girl can dream can't she?
But he is doing really well in Afghanistan, and time is going by very fast, thank the Lord. We are down to around three months!! I can't believe it's already been 4 months!!
I finally got the house furnished, and it is starting to look pretty amazing! All I need is to get the kitchen and bathrooms decorated, and get some pictures on the walls, and it will look fabulous!!
My mother-in-law is coming in on Sunday. And I am super excited about it! The last three months of the deployment, I have family coming in every month, so it will go by really fast.

There's probably a ton more that I am forgetting, but for now, that is all. I'm going to try to keep up this blog a little better. We'll see how successful I will be at it. Tootles!

Three weeks down!!!

Yea, so this whole deployment thing? Bites the big one it does. The last couple of days have been really bad at work, and normally my saint of a husband makes it all better by listening to me complain for an hour. But no more. Well not for a really long time anyways. But believe it or not, it's starting to go by kind of fast. Yay! I have a donut of misery app on my phone that for what felt like the longest time was just a tiny sliver of green in my rather large red donut. But not anymore! I have a wedge!!! Hehe that sounds dirty. At least we get to message each other on facebook every couple of days. Oh the joys of technology. I don't know how my mother survived deployment without facebook and skype. And cell phones!!! Anyway, not a really long post, but a post nonetheless. I'm going to go watch Harry Potter 7 again. BTW, best movie int he universe! But I will leave you with this.....

That's my big sexy third from the left! Afghanistan looks like a happy place doesn't it? :) I miss him.

Well we're off to a good start! :(

So Darren called this morning at two, and I missed it. I was sleeping, and for some reason didn't hear my phone ring. I'm soo upset. I have no idea when he will be able to call me again. Needlessly to say, I cried all morning. I no joke went to bed at one. I missed his call by one hour!!! But he is able to facebook me, so that makes it a little more bearable. Ugh, keep your fingers crossed he will call again soon...

Crap I forgot this...

DARREN CALLED ME TODAY!!!!!! From Kyrzchkstan, Kirzakstan, Kyrzakstan, well one of those stans. It was sooooo weird because it was 7 in the morning TOMORROW there! It was only 6 here in Cali (April 2nd). Ugh this is going to confuse me oh so much. But I don't care, he called me! He's not in Afghanistan (I got that one right!) yet, but I think he will be soon. I didn't expect him to already be at that place I can't spell. I thought it was going to be at least another week or so, since they had to go through Ramstein. Keep him in your prayers!!
Ok now I'm really done blogging.

Day 2...

I can't really say that it is starting to get any easier. It's only two days into the deployment, and I know the hard part is going to be after a month. Because after that, I know that he's not coming home from a routine field op. But a bit of good news.......I got to see him! Well, not in person or anything, but there's this group of amazing people in Maine that greet planes full of troops deploying. They take pictures of each service member disembarking, and then a close up head shot. And they got my baby!!! You can see him here. They are such a blessing!
I downloaded this app on my Droid today called the Donut of Misery (how fitting), and it's a little red pie chart that turns green the closer you get to homecoming. And I have a tiny sliver of green on my donut! I am officially 24 hours (1440 minutes, or 86400 seconds) into this blasted deployment! This app is my godsend. It has all these stats that show you the days, minutes, and seconds you've gone or until he comes home! Although I get all excited until I see the come home date. Which just so happens to be 19612800 seconds, or 227 days to go. Boo.

Afghanistan or bust?

Darren left today. I'm not sure what it is normal to feel, but I'm numb. Not too sad, a little bit in denial, and a lot numb. I didn't even get to have a good goodbye. They fell into formation, and fell out of formation to get on the bus. No time for hugs or kisses, nothing. I guess I'm a little resentful for that. I sound selfish, but I think he deserved a good goodbye just as much as I did. It was completely surreal. Like I was watching it from a distance. I don't know what to do with myself. All day, I've slept, cried, or stared into nothing. I feel like a zombie, and I gotta tell you, I don't like it. I keep expecting him to call me and tell me that he is ready to be picked up from work. This post is making it sound like he's dead. Now don't get me wrong, I am more proud of what my husband is doing than anyone. I cheese everytime someone thanks him for his service. I just miss him more than I could possibly say. And I wanted to  make some friends to help make the deployment a little easier, but the spouse potluck that our dipshit FRO put on is at noon. Am I the only one that works in the battallion? It's not just the potluck either. Every single event that this woman has put on has been at ten in the morning, or noon, or three, or five. Well Marines get off at 1730 or 1800, so seeing as how most of the wives work with Marines, you would think she would work on a schedule that benefits everyone. Haha what a joke. Well this has turned into a rant, and on that note, I am going to go back to what I do best, which is cry some more.

Horrible picture of me, but it was 0400 in the morning.



Wow....could 29 Palms get any worse???

Oh dear......lots and lots has happened the last couple of weeks. I've been super stressed, and I'm trying to figure everything out. This is the oh-so-fun rundown:

The pre-deployment brief was tonight. It was long; it was drawn out; but it was worth going. I got a lot of great information. Darren hated it and pouted through the whole thing.

I changed our move-in date for base-housing from April 1st to ASAP. I can't live with these creatures that the landlord says is normal for seven months. Hell no. I'm hoping and praying that this all happens beofre Darren deploys, because after that, his orders are no longer valid to break the lease. a.k.a no bueno.

The day before yesterday, I was a car accident. No, let me rephrase, my SECOND car accident in less than three months. I was waiting in line to get into the front gate of the base, AT A DEAD STOP, and this stupid ass, useless, piece of shit boot Marine slams into me going forty MPH. To put it bluntly, he ended up UNDERNEATH my car, he hit me so hard. My bumper is pretty much gone, and to top it all off, this douchebag doesn't have insurance. But by the grace of God, my husband is really good at doing bodywork, so he can fix the bumper enough to make it look like nothing happened. I'm sore, but I wasn't hurt, and Darren wasn't either. FYI - the last accident involved a douchebag Master Sergeant that T-boned me. FYI again - my car is only four months old.

Yesterday, my grandfather died. He had Parkinson's disease for the last fifteen years of his life, and severe dementia for the last two, so it was kind of a blessing. I miss him dearly, and until the day I die, he will be the smartest man I ever knew. He's with my granny now, so he got everything he ever wanted.

I found a job opening for an audit clerk within MCCS. It's a two dollar an hour paycut, but I would be away from Satan, so I will be much happier than I am now. I just pray that I get it.

We almost have Poineer military loans paid off! Thanks to my very generous refund from the federal and California government. At least they got THAT part right. We are finally on our way. (As long as I don't keep getting in accidents with Marines. Or their wives. Or children.)

Two days until we go home! From everything above, it's painfully obvious that we need a vacation from this place. I feel like nothing has gone right, and I'm just hoping that everything starts to get better. I don't know how many more setbacks I can handle. Or poor Darren for that matter. Everytime something goes wrong, I seem to take out my stress on him. I feel horrible for that by the way.

How much longer until we get out of here??? Oh yea - two years. Hoorah Marine Corps I guess.

The butter to my bread, the breath to my life...

With the deployment just a couple months away, I am discovering that the closer that it gets, the more that the littlest stuff sends me into tears. Darren has been in the field for six days now. It wouldn't be so bad, except that his unit keeps saying "any day now you will go home". And every day he doesn't. I can't talk to him, I can't see him (even though he is literally like six miles away), and we are both in limbo. It is the most agonizing thing in the world. I have also been bitter, cynical, snappy, and every other negative thing you can think of. But, according to the Marine Corps, this is normal pre-deployment behavior. Except that I feel horrible because I have mostly been taking it out on Darren. And with him in the field right now, I have come to the realization that one day he might not be there. And I can't have all of this guilt in me for being so mean. He is an angel; not once has he taken out HIS stress on me. I feel incredibly selfish because HE is the one that is going into a war zone, and here I am taking out my stress on him. Every time I get mean and pessimistic, all he does is sit there and tell me that everything is going to be alright. The man is optimistic to a fault. And I normally am too, but I have a tendency to blow the tiniest things WAY out of proportion. I don't deserve him. I know that. But I am so grateful that I do. He balances me and keeps me in check in a way no one else ever has. No matter what I say or what I do, he is there, an ever-present guardian. He cuddles with me when I have been horrible, he smiles and says I love you at all of the right times. I have noticed that the closer this deployment gets, the more I seem to be trying to distance myself from him, even though I'm not trying to. I think it's because I am soooooo bad with goodbyes. Maybe I am mentally trying to get used to him not being around, even though he still is. I hate myself for this, and I have never said it aloud, let alone put it in black and white. But I am the kind of person that you have to push and push and push to finally get me to open up to you, and push harder still to get me to stay. Darren got me to stay. And now he is leaving. In some small way, I think I am mad at him for that. I shouldn't be; I put up with my dad's deployments every six months for most of my life. But it just FEELS different when it's the man you love, the man you want to have children with. I dunno, maybe I'm crazy. All I know is that this man that I am so blessed to have in my life, is leaving me. Not intentionally, I understand the contract, I signed the damn thing myself. I hate this feeling. It's like a weight on my shoulders that is always there, that never goes away, and it always hanging over my head. Maybe things will get better after he deploys. I will learn to get used to him not being there, and I will learn how to live without him in time. He will come back. He has to. Because in his words "I have you to come home to. I'm not giving that up without a fight."

These are the reasons why being a Marine wife sucks...

• You're husband is pretty much never home, especially as it gets closer and closer to deployment.
• You need a general power of attorney to do ANYTHING financially related. (Word to the wise: Special military POAs are useless pieces of paper.)
• Deployments are a minimum six months. Boo.
• You have the potential to get stationed somewhere really bad (like where I'm at)
• There's no such thing as a nine to five work schedule. (unless you're a paper pusher, which according to my husband, are not actual Marines.)
• There's always the possibility that he might not come home.

And, these are the reasons why being a Marine wife rocks:

• You get super proud of your husband because he is the reason why people can do the stupid things they do and not die.
• It is perfectly acceptable to scream and get redneck-showdown when someone dogs the U.S. military.
• You get to travel (I'm not going to get to do this being a wife, but I did get to as a Navy daughter)
• You have the potential to get stationed somewhere fabulous like Kaneohe Bay in Hawaii, or Iwakuni, Japan. Who doesn't love Japanese food!
• You get a bubbly feeling when someone thanks your husband for their service.
• You get an even bubblier feeling when someone thanks YOU for your (sometimes ultimate) sacrifice.
• The homecomings are always worth the wait.