Twentynine Palms

So, out of sheer boredom, and to warn future wives (as if the entire Marine Corps hasn't already warned you about the armpit of Cali), I am making a list blog about Twentynine Palms. List blogs are totally cliche, and only for people who have absolutely NOTHING to talk about, but that's me, so deal.

• I am warning you now, get over your fear of bugs. You will be surrounded by roaches of all kinds, scorpions, spiders galore, and every single other insect reject of God's. I didn't get over mine, and had my husband kill all of them. Then he deployed. Now I am stuck vacuuming up all of their little carcasses. P.S. I am throwing away my vacuum and buying a new one. Better than having to see all of them again.
• Invest in a fuel efficient car. Every single road in the desert is a bajillion miles long, and believe me, it takes 40 minutes to get to Wal Mart from base. Never thought I would see the day.
• Unless you love sand underneath your toenails and in between your toes, wear close toed shoes. Enough said.
• If you're not tan when you move out here, you will be very soon.
• Try not to wear tshirts outside for very long. Unless you think farmer's tans are sexy.
• Your left arm WILL BE darker than your right arm from driving. Get used to it.
• If you live off base and have to be at work at 8 A.M., leave your house early. Trust me on this one.
• If you absolutely have to have a decent house for cheap, live on base. Desert houses are ICKY. And way overpriced.
• If you rent, rent from a company. Renting from an individual person pretty much guarantees that you will be screwed in your deposit, repairs, pest control, etc. I learned this the hard way.
• Just FYI, base housing is BALLING. I'm in love with my house.
• Get used to having to go "down the hill" to get anything specialty. Or new for that matter. Palm Springs is where it's at. Unless you trust these funny looking desert people.
• 29palmsyardsales.com is the greatest website in this area. It will become your best friend of you're a newlywed with no money :)
• There are only like five or six radio stations. Yes, you read that right.
• Take LOTS of pictures of the sunsets. You will miss them when you leave.
• If you can while you're here, go up to the mountains. Big Bear, Lake Arrowhead, Crestline, whatever. It is worth every second.
• Go to Joshua Tree National Park, and get a yearly pass. They're only 30 bucks, and you can see all of the exhibitions they have there. The living desert is amazing.
• If you are going to Vegas for any reason at all, take Amboy Road. It is by far the most serene, relaxing, and beautiful drives I have made here. Oh, and make sure to stop by and have lunch at the Kelso-Cima Railroad Station Museum.
• Try not to take the above road at night. There are no streetlights whatsoever the entire drive to the Nevada line, and creepy just doesn't do it justice. Also, there are no police stations or fire stations all the way to Vegas, so if you get into an accident and are hurt, no one is going to know. If you have to go to Vegas at night, take the 15.
• Grow some really big gonads before you drive in downtown L.A. Jus' sayin'.
• If you have to work, I would advise you go to base if you don't have a bachelors. There are NO jobs out in town. The only jobs seem to be within MCCS.
• The roads out here are in really bad shape. They are extremely bumpy, riddled with potholes, and California doesn't seem to believe in medians. If you are like me, you will drive in the right lane because you swear every car is going to some careening across that tiny yellow line. The lesson: just expect to need new tires and/or an alignment.

I am no expert, but from the almost year that I have been here, these are my rules so far. I'm sure I will come up with many more by the time we leave. That's the nature of my OCD and boredom. Ha.

Just thinking...

I've been thinking about what it means to be a military wife a lot lately. And it seems to me that we don't get nearly enough credit for the things we do. Our husbands are the ones out there fighting for our freedom, yes, but it isn't exactly cake to be left here at home. We as military wives are peacemakers, troubleshooters, single mothers, temporary fathers, maids, cooks, and a slew of other not-so-fun adjectives. We spend holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries alone. We cry in silence, and put on a brave face for everyone to see. We teach ourselves to shop for one, and cook for one. We face our biggest fears that normally our husbands would protect us from. We have to tell our children that every single man in uniform is not daddy. Help them understand where he is, and why he's gone. Take care of bills, clean the house, go to work, and come home to an empty house. How many of our husbands would have made rank without us? I don't know about you, but I am my husband's voice of reason. When things go wrong within the batallion, and he wants to say things to his superiors that he shouldn't, I am the one to calm him down. I am the one to make him see that it's not worth it, and I am the one who listens patiently while he goes on a tangent about what he hates and what he loves about the Marine Corps. Because that's my job. I don't complain (very much) that my education has taken a back seat to his career, because one day I will get there. I don't complain that the only jobs I am qualified for are the ones that I hate. And I don't complain about how Junior Enlisted wives are treated by the Marine Corps. I know that the Corps doesn't want them to get married, and I know that they see pretty much all Junior Enlisted wives as uniform chasers, who only want the benefits that come with being a military wife. But that's not me. So I hold my head held high as I pull out my POA to take care of things on my husband's behalf. Because I get all the looks that usually accompany this seemingly simple act. I get talked down to, I have Marines trying to talk me out of things that I know need to be taken care of, and I get nasty stares as I ask for my husband's LES. But that's ok. Because I know that I love my husband more than life itself, and couldn't dream of doing anything to hurt him. But no one else needs to know that. They can keep thinking all the hateful things they want, because at the end of the day, I still come home to my husband, who thinks absolutely none of those things. My job is a Marine Corps wife. And as far as I'm concerned, that's the hardest job of them all.

Three weeks down!!!

Yea, so this whole deployment thing? Bites the big one it does. The last couple of days have been really bad at work, and normally my saint of a husband makes it all better by listening to me complain for an hour. But no more. Well not for a really long time anyways. But believe it or not, it's starting to go by kind of fast. Yay! I have a donut of misery app on my phone that for what felt like the longest time was just a tiny sliver of green in my rather large red donut. But not anymore! I have a wedge!!! Hehe that sounds dirty. At least we get to message each other on facebook every couple of days. Oh the joys of technology. I don't know how my mother survived deployment without facebook and skype. And cell phones!!! Anyway, not a really long post, but a post nonetheless. I'm going to go watch Harry Potter 7 again. BTW, best movie int he universe! But I will leave you with this.....

That's my big sexy third from the left! Afghanistan looks like a happy place doesn't it? :) I miss him.

Afghanistan or bust?

Darren left today. I'm not sure what it is normal to feel, but I'm numb. Not too sad, a little bit in denial, and a lot numb. I didn't even get to have a good goodbye. They fell into formation, and fell out of formation to get on the bus. No time for hugs or kisses, nothing. I guess I'm a little resentful for that. I sound selfish, but I think he deserved a good goodbye just as much as I did. It was completely surreal. Like I was watching it from a distance. I don't know what to do with myself. All day, I've slept, cried, or stared into nothing. I feel like a zombie, and I gotta tell you, I don't like it. I keep expecting him to call me and tell me that he is ready to be picked up from work. This post is making it sound like he's dead. Now don't get me wrong, I am more proud of what my husband is doing than anyone. I cheese everytime someone thanks him for his service. I just miss him more than I could possibly say. And I wanted to  make some friends to help make the deployment a little easier, but the spouse potluck that our dipshit FRO put on is at noon. Am I the only one that works in the battallion? It's not just the potluck either. Every single event that this woman has put on has been at ten in the morning, or noon, or three, or five. Well Marines get off at 1730 or 1800, so seeing as how most of the wives work with Marines, you would think she would work on a schedule that benefits everyone. Haha what a joke. Well this has turned into a rant, and on that note, I am going to go back to what I do best, which is cry some more.

Horrible picture of me, but it was 0400 in the morning.



Wow....could 29 Palms get any worse???

Oh dear......lots and lots has happened the last couple of weeks. I've been super stressed, and I'm trying to figure everything out. This is the oh-so-fun rundown:

The pre-deployment brief was tonight. It was long; it was drawn out; but it was worth going. I got a lot of great information. Darren hated it and pouted through the whole thing.

I changed our move-in date for base-housing from April 1st to ASAP. I can't live with these creatures that the landlord says is normal for seven months. Hell no. I'm hoping and praying that this all happens beofre Darren deploys, because after that, his orders are no longer valid to break the lease. a.k.a no bueno.

The day before yesterday, I was a car accident. No, let me rephrase, my SECOND car accident in less than three months. I was waiting in line to get into the front gate of the base, AT A DEAD STOP, and this stupid ass, useless, piece of shit boot Marine slams into me going forty MPH. To put it bluntly, he ended up UNDERNEATH my car, he hit me so hard. My bumper is pretty much gone, and to top it all off, this douchebag doesn't have insurance. But by the grace of God, my husband is really good at doing bodywork, so he can fix the bumper enough to make it look like nothing happened. I'm sore, but I wasn't hurt, and Darren wasn't either. FYI - the last accident involved a douchebag Master Sergeant that T-boned me. FYI again - my car is only four months old.

Yesterday, my grandfather died. He had Parkinson's disease for the last fifteen years of his life, and severe dementia for the last two, so it was kind of a blessing. I miss him dearly, and until the day I die, he will be the smartest man I ever knew. He's with my granny now, so he got everything he ever wanted.

I found a job opening for an audit clerk within MCCS. It's a two dollar an hour paycut, but I would be away from Satan, so I will be much happier than I am now. I just pray that I get it.

We almost have Poineer military loans paid off! Thanks to my very generous refund from the federal and California government. At least they got THAT part right. We are finally on our way. (As long as I don't keep getting in accidents with Marines. Or their wives. Or children.)

Two days until we go home! From everything above, it's painfully obvious that we need a vacation from this place. I feel like nothing has gone right, and I'm just hoping that everything starts to get better. I don't know how many more setbacks I can handle. Or poor Darren for that matter. Everytime something goes wrong, I seem to take out my stress on him. I feel horrible for that by the way.

How much longer until we get out of here??? Oh yea - two years. Hoorah Marine Corps I guess.

Breaking News! Read all about it!

We're going home!!!!!!! Oh yes we are. To my beautiful home of Fernandina Beach, Florida.

Yes this is my home. Be jealous. Be very jealous.

Now laugh at me because I left this place to come to the desert.

That's right, on February 26th, we are officially (and finally) going to see our families!!!!! This is the most exciting thing to happen to us since we moved out here. Besides getting married of course.

In other news, Darren got sent back to the field, because of the same douchebag that messed up the first time and caused him to go. This kid needs to be kicked out of the Marine Corps and shipped back to whatever podunk, midwest, wheat-growing town he came from. They are lost without their designated idiot. That is all. :) 

The butter to my bread, the breath to my life...

With the deployment just a couple months away, I am discovering that the closer that it gets, the more that the littlest stuff sends me into tears. Darren has been in the field for six days now. It wouldn't be so bad, except that his unit keeps saying "any day now you will go home". And every day he doesn't. I can't talk to him, I can't see him (even though he is literally like six miles away), and we are both in limbo. It is the most agonizing thing in the world. I have also been bitter, cynical, snappy, and every other negative thing you can think of. But, according to the Marine Corps, this is normal pre-deployment behavior. Except that I feel horrible because I have mostly been taking it out on Darren. And with him in the field right now, I have come to the realization that one day he might not be there. And I can't have all of this guilt in me for being so mean. He is an angel; not once has he taken out HIS stress on me. I feel incredibly selfish because HE is the one that is going into a war zone, and here I am taking out my stress on him. Every time I get mean and pessimistic, all he does is sit there and tell me that everything is going to be alright. The man is optimistic to a fault. And I normally am too, but I have a tendency to blow the tiniest things WAY out of proportion. I don't deserve him. I know that. But I am so grateful that I do. He balances me and keeps me in check in a way no one else ever has. No matter what I say or what I do, he is there, an ever-present guardian. He cuddles with me when I have been horrible, he smiles and says I love you at all of the right times. I have noticed that the closer this deployment gets, the more I seem to be trying to distance myself from him, even though I'm not trying to. I think it's because I am soooooo bad with goodbyes. Maybe I am mentally trying to get used to him not being around, even though he still is. I hate myself for this, and I have never said it aloud, let alone put it in black and white. But I am the kind of person that you have to push and push and push to finally get me to open up to you, and push harder still to get me to stay. Darren got me to stay. And now he is leaving. In some small way, I think I am mad at him for that. I shouldn't be; I put up with my dad's deployments every six months for most of my life. But it just FEELS different when it's the man you love, the man you want to have children with. I dunno, maybe I'm crazy. All I know is that this man that I am so blessed to have in my life, is leaving me. Not intentionally, I understand the contract, I signed the damn thing myself. I hate this feeling. It's like a weight on my shoulders that is always there, that never goes away, and it always hanging over my head. Maybe things will get better after he deploys. I will learn to get used to him not being there, and I will learn how to live without him in time. He will come back. He has to. Because in his words "I have you to come home to. I'm not giving that up without a fight."

There is NOTHING to blog about.

I have bitched and moaned about Darren being in Viper so much I feel drained. But then today, I got yet another blow. The clothing allowance and per diem for the two Pendleton fiasco didn't all come in so we didn't get as much as we needed to get home for pre-deployment leave. AAAHHHH!!!! I am sooooooo sick of this base! Nothing that they do they can do right. It's maddening! And to top it all off, Darren has no phone, because he decided to leave it here, and now he has to highjack random Marine's (or Corpsman) phones to call. So now I have no way to tell him about the paycheck. Ugh. AND...he doesn't know when he is coming home now! Originally, it was three days. But now according to his company's "leaders" they don't know. I'm sooooooo sick of being lonely. The hardest part is knowing he's only like ten miles from me and I can't see or talk to him.

On a lighter note, I got the Wildblue crap taken care of, and I am finally getting my money back. Money they took out of my bank account without my knowledge or authorization, mind you. The background: Wildblue is a REALLY BAD satellite internet company that charges outrageous prices (like 60 bucks a month for pretty much dial up speed) and gives you a cap on "how much internet you can use, because other people need to use it too". REALLY??? You're going to charge me that much and not even let me use all the internet I want! Anyways, I cancelled my service, because I am a genius, and I never signed a contract (mwahahaha) and they went in my checking account and TOOK 300 dollars of my paycheck. Now, for anyone who is a Lance Corporal's wife, you know that you don't really make enough money to have someone take 300 of it. Even with my job, that's a crapton of money. Well, they took it because they said that I never sent my equipment back, which is crap, because I had. They researched, and found that they had given me the wrong tracking number for the package they sent me, and lost my shit. Oh wow. These are the most intelligent people in the entire world don't ya think?!?! Anyways, long rambling short, I am getting my greenbacks back and I am happy once again, because I am going to put that towards mine and Darren's home fund!!! Maybe we actually WILL make it!

What I'm worried about right now

Getting fired because I ran my freaking mouth about a Marine who has been lying about coming to work late. Higher marine found out that lying marine is in extended care for his kids daycare, and should have been to work at 0530. Not really my fault because said higher marine has kids in extended care also. So he saw tlying marine's kids, all I said was most dual military is in extended care. But still. Crap. Go me.

And so starts the countdown...

Darren isn't home. Again. He's in the field for three days. Manwich for dinner. Two months till deployment.

These are the reasons why being a Marine wife sucks...

• You're husband is pretty much never home, especially as it gets closer and closer to deployment.
• You need a general power of attorney to do ANYTHING financially related. (Word to the wise: Special military POAs are useless pieces of paper.)
• Deployments are a minimum six months. Boo.
• You have the potential to get stationed somewhere really bad (like where I'm at)
• There's no such thing as a nine to five work schedule. (unless you're a paper pusher, which according to my husband, are not actual Marines.)
• There's always the possibility that he might not come home.

And, these are the reasons why being a Marine wife rocks:

• You get super proud of your husband because he is the reason why people can do the stupid things they do and not die.
• It is perfectly acceptable to scream and get redneck-showdown when someone dogs the U.S. military.
• You get to travel (I'm not going to get to do this being a wife, but I did get to as a Navy daughter)
• You have the potential to get stationed somewhere fabulous like Kaneohe Bay in Hawaii, or Iwakuni, Japan. Who doesn't love Japanese food!
• You get a bubbly feeling when someone thanks your husband for their service.
• You get an even bubblier feeling when someone thanks YOU for your (sometimes ultimate) sacrifice.
• The homecomings are always worth the wait.

Being a military wife...

In a word, being a military wife (especially a Marine wife) is hard. I have been a military dependent for my entire life, so I'm used to the man in my life being away. But since my daddy retired, I have completely forgotten how hard it is to move to a city where you know no one, find a job, and start a new life. I have always had trouble making friends, because I'm incredibly shy. Because of this, I don't talk to anyone. Most people take this as me being a snob. This is not the case. I literally get the shakes and goosebumps just thinking about going to a party or something where I know no one. (This is no joke.) I am seriously attempting to get involved within the base atmosphere. I am going to volunteer for Marine Corps Community Services (although this is simply because I cannot find a job ANYWHERE), and I am going to give it my best shot to come out of this duty station with some friend-ish type people.

Now, always being a military daughter, and not a wife, I never really had any need to make friends with the people on base. I had friends at school, church, etc. But it's totally different being a wife. Now I know how my mom felt. THIS SUCKS!

But on a brighter note....

We're moving to base housing! Darren is turning in his application to the housing office tomorrow, and it's a two to five month wait, but just thinking of all the money we will be saving makes it all soooo worth it. Not only that, but I will be surrounded by other military wives! I'm not a whole lot like other girls, what with me being a boy in a girls body and all (can you hear me snickering as I write that?), but I really hope I can get along with SOME of these girls. I have only had a handful of female friends in my whole life, but I figure that me being friends with other Marines, or men in general, would not look very good to the wives around me. Boo. I can relate so much better to men than women. Ah well. I'll get through it. It will get better when I get a job, or get enrolled in the college out here once I get my degree from Florida. December baby!!! When I finally have that Associates Degree, it will make me feel that much closer to actually getting my Bachelors (which is still  years away). But yea, anyways, its 1230 here, and this whole borderline-insomnia thing is just not working for me. Ta Ta for now!

Kylie "Loser-with-no-friends" Bolling Teehee my mother is going to love that one.